Everyone wonders why someone would fry a turkey. Until they try fried turkey.
Maybe you don't eat fried food. But you love fried food. Yeah, it's hard-wired into us as creatures. Every culture from China to Nigeria to South Africa to Scotland to Canada to the deep deep South, where they'd fry the bumper off a tractor if the corn dogs were out. We can avoid it for reasons of health or fashion, but that deep primal craving still lives in our guts.
So don't pretend and half-ass it, okay? Don't be all like "turkey is healthy!" as you're covering your fried bird with a mountain of mashed potatoes. Buy a fryer and point it out to your neighbors as they drag it through your yard. Shout WHO WANTS TO COME OVER AND FRY THIS TURKEY LIKE SOME SLOVENLY FRENCH MONARCH FROM THE MOST DECEDENT AGE OF ALL? Because you know what? That's how you make friends in America today. And that's what turkey dinners are supposed to be all about.
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